Why You Should Think Twice About Telling Someone About Your Anxiety

          I recently confided, very privately, I might add, to my supervisor/manager that I was recently diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I thought she would understand at first because confided to me that she's had some similar experiences, and at the time, she did indeed seem to understand. I was relieved that someone in my position knew how I felt. However, I've noticed that ever since then my co-workers have looked at me differently,  they approach me with extreme caution and talk down to me as if I'm constantly under a ginormous crushing weight of anxiety that prevents me from dealing with reality. Now, I totally understand this. People react differently to hearing this about other people and treat you differently, it's a fact of life. I can't prevent other people's thoughts/actions, certainly! And I'm ok with that! However, the problem that bugs me is that I told this person in complete and utter confidence. Of course, when I confided in them I didn't make us participate in some sort of perverse demonic blood oath ritual to swear to utter secrecy. However, I didn't expect that by telling this person in--again, complete confidence, outside of work-- that all of my coworkers would know in the coming week.
The fact is, when you tell someone that another person has an anxiety disorder, they will see that person as a walking anxiety disorder. You can't expect them to understand, that's why I kept it to myself until then.

           Now, the other aspect of telling my manager this was that every time I had a legitimate problem, such as people having random, lengthy tasks for me to do (that, may I say, are completely outside of my department), lack of time, or lack of communication, said manager writes it off as "oh it's just another panic attack." Because I told her I have anxiety, she does not respect me or my concerns, and those problems go unresolved. I'll be honest, I've never felt so calm about something in my life. I do not feel anxiety when I think of these unresolved issues, only pure frustration that I am not being taken seriously in my job. For an example, a few weeks ago I had received a large load for the weekend, on the day that I was told that I will always have helpers, they both disappeared as managers moved them to other departments. That day was completely chaotic for me and I felt I got nothing done, so I tried to talk to previously said manadge about the problem, and she told me that the good thing about produce was that it was tucked away in the back of the building, so I could go in the cooler and cry if I needed to. She did not attempt to solve the issue at hand.

           Now, my purpose of this post was not to scare you from seeking help from another person. Just be sure that you are telling the right person. Because there is always someone out there looking out for you and who will listen to you, you just have to keep going and work with them.
           Well meaning but misunderstanding confidants might do you more harm then good. Be careful and chose someone who you have known long enough to trust them, and certainly not someone involved in any way with your workplace.
 This doesn't mean you should be anxious at the very thought of finding someone to confide in, I would just be careful if you advertise yourself as "disorder-diagnosed." As when you do that, for some people, that's all they can see and they can't get past it. Let them get to know you and not your anxiety. I've learned this very important lesson these past few years to not categorize myself as an anxiety disorder. It's hard, but don't let your anxiety problems consume, direct or define you. You are you and everything that "you" encompasses. You just have to remember that in the end, the only person who can really make the push, really make the change is you. And I wish you the best of luck! 

You are more than a disease, a disorder, a condition.

You are you.

Also, I sincerely apologize for the weird formatting, blogspot is weird.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! My holiday was spent with my wonderful family and friends, and of course, with Jesus at midnight mass. I have learned so much this past year, strength, trust, and love. One thing that I hold dear to my heart is that "one cannot have joy without suffering." And I wholeheartedly hope that through whatever suffering you have been in, are currently in, or will go through, I hope that you will find this immeasurable joy. Joy comes directly as a product from suffering whilst accepting it as The Will of God. I simply couldn't believe any less.

With this picture of Baby Jesus, What I wanted to convey more than anything was a sense of peace, joy and trust in this Babe that loves each and everyone so much, so to start I gave it a very soft vibe, using one of my favorite brush settings and light colors. With his smile, I wanted to give him something adorable and innocent, but something that kind of looks at you and says "Everything's ok." Maybe that sounds silly, but I absolutely love how it came out, and whenever you feel down, think of this simple but joyful smile.
So without further adieu, I give you my picture of Our Lord, Baby Jesus.

I wish you nothing less than peace of mind, soul, and heart. May you be filled with the glorious joy of Our Good Father.

OCD relatable gifs

OCD is an anxiety disorder and one that is not very well understood by mainstream media and the general populace. OCD affects approximately 3.3 million adult Americans and with additional 1 million in children and adolescents.

*Here are some 16 gifs that many OCD sufferers can relate to:




When someone asks if you're ok

When you try and avoid a thought that stresses you out

When you beat yourself up over thoughts which you have no control of:

That moment when you get so angry at ocd you yell "NO" out loud

And everyone looks at you like:

When you hit rock-bottom of the disease

When you're trying to hide from your friends that your upset from a particularly disturbing thought

When someone says they have ocd because "I always have to arrange my skittles by color"

When someone asks why you don't just stop worrying about it

As if you could

When someone actually understands and supports you

When the media portrays people with ocd as "everything has to be neat and stuff"






When someone in the media actually  tells OCD like it is:

When your brain suddenly attacks you with a barrage of strange and disturbing sexual thoughts

When you realize everything your ocd ever told you is false

When you finally tell your ocd straight up go away

That's all folks, I hope you enjoyed, and if you can relate, leave a comment
*(note that these are directly related to my own experience of ocd, and as there are many aspects and different obsessions to the disease, it might not be true for all.)

What to write?

           For school I'm taking a 'media literacy' class, and I must now write blog entries regularly...Woohoo, I hope you can sense the sarcasm xD...

Anyways today I'm supposed to brainstorm ideas of what my blog can be about. I've never really been one for keeping journals or anything like that, life is either too crazy to write it all down or too boring.
So, instead of talking about things I don't like writing about, here are some ideas for my blog that I was brainstorming;

Photography blog -
I do love photography, but now that I don't have a camera anymore, I can't see myself doing this anytime soon! xD

Digital Art blog -
I am totally in love with digital art and it would be awesome to share some of my works.

Fiction blog -
Instead of writing about my life, I could write fictional entries of someone else, or random snippets of fictional stories. Perhaps a dwarf named Aesop who is as tall and mighty as a holly shrub. Or maybe an Elven girl with high romantic expectations and a sever shortage of suitors (try saying that 5 times fast ;) ). 

I soon realized I couldn't pick just one medium of art. But that I loved so many different kinds! So I think my final blog will be;

Arts of All Kinds -
With a blog not exclusive to a single medium, I could showcase my all my art; photography, digital art, watercolor painting, paper crafts, polymer clay creations, fiction writing, etc!

I'm not sure if I will be changing the title of this blog, though I probably will. And with it will go this unbearably ugly blog design!! 

Personification Art~!

           On a more happier blogpost, I have taken considerable interest in children's illustration.
Looking back, when I was little, my favorite thing about going to the library wasn't the books. It was the wonderful illustrations you could find inside of them. An extra special kind of illustration for myself, was one that personified a non-human object. Here are some examples that I myself drew (Click each image for a larger view.)

Personification of what a rose would look like if human;

Personification of an Ice-cream fudge sundae!

Personification of the night sky:

I hope you enjoyed these drawings! =) It would really be amazing if I could someday get these into a book!

The Young and Scrupulous

 

HABEMUS PAPAM!

What a joyous day yesterday was!

If you haven't heard (though I doubt that) a new Pope was chosen yesterday, to take over as leader of the church, after Pope Benedict the XVI resigned from the papacy.
The last time a conclave happened, I was too young and didn't really understand, so this was really my first time and it was truly an honor to witness history in the making! When I found out that we had a pope, I rushed over to my mom's computer and we watched. My little brother wasn't very interested, and only shouted for joy when he found out that Minecraft came out with a new update.  (Ok, I admit, I was excited about that too, but I was way more ecstatic about the new Pope.)
Anyways, I really couldn't believe how quickly the conclave ended, I figured that it would go on for a week or so. I wish I had more time to pray, but I guess the Holy Spirit didn't want to keep us waiting? ;)
I was so excited and nervous, and I kept my eyes glued on the balcony.

When the cardinal announced his Holiness, I think everyone was openly and visibly surprised. Some maybe even a little disappointed. Who was this man? He was not one of the more popular choices, in fact, I think very little people knew much about him at all. (The Holy Spirit must have thought that the other cardinals were too mainstream. Hipster! ;D) I was thinking that one of the more popular cardinals would be chosen, but a little bit of me hoped that it wouldn't be so. There is a rare humbleness about someone like that. It reminds me a bit about the humility of Pope St. Pius X (And no, I am not part of SSPX) And humility is exactly what Pope Francis has!

I have to admit, when I first saw his face, I was a bit unsure. But then I saw him smile and wave, and then I was sure. I can't really explain it, there is just something about him. Maybe it's because God found him worthy to lead us, so I too must have faith in God's choice!
And for the rest of the day, I can happily say that I was literally dancing and bouncing with joy! I just couldn't get over my sudden immense joy, and it lasted for the rest of the day and into the morning! In fact, as I type this I'm STILL excited!

On the way to our store, my little brother and I rolled down the window and yelled "Viva Il Papa Francis!"
 It must have been so overwhelming for him to look down at just a small, small, portion, of the people he is supposed to lead. Please say a prayer for him so that he might lead us in closer union with The Lord!

Sadly, when I went to youth group that evening, none of the kids seemed to share my joy, the adults were quite excited (on of them calling his holiness Papa Frankie, and I can't seem to get that name out of my head when I think of the pope...) It just seemed to be another day for the teenagers. Nobody really had any interest in it. I wish more kids my age would see the excitement and joy that the faith holds, and be at least a little more enthusiastic!

Now, I have a bit of a routine that I've been doing for about a year now. What I do is take a small journal, and every week directly after mass, I jot down "One way I can be a better person this week". And I try and figure out I need to work on, by paying attention to the mass, especially the Gospel and homily. This past week, I felt like I needed to work on my humility. Its funny, because the same week a pope was chosen who exercises great humility. I guess that's all for today, it's getting late!

P.S Dance with joy for habemus Papam! The Lord is good!

~ Viva il Papa Francisco!!!!